Daddy Issues

"Daddy Issues: a series of letters to older men"
by Hayden Panettiere

AN EXCERPT:
January 11, 2009

Dear Milo Ventilmigliasaliosasteehee,

I never did figure out how to say your last name when we were dating. But then again, my name's pretty off the wall too. I guess we were meant for each other. At some point, at least. But not anymore. Not now that I'm awesome and ready to grind my bones on some new meat. You know what I'm saying?

I just feel like...you're not old enough yet. You'll understand one day. I just need a man. You're just a boy. Just a boy who randomly talks like Batman in The Dark Knight. You're only in your early 30s. You're just starting life. I need someone more experienced.

I hope you understand one day when you're crying into your diary, which we're all sure you have. Even the guy who plays Sylar thinks you're a kind of a bitch, and he wears purple when he's not working. Purple, Milo. Purple. I wore purple once. But it was a purple thong that I danced in for my friend's stepfather. He didn't even ask for it. In fact, he begged for me to stop and threw clothes at me, like...he...wanted...it...bad. But you wouldn't know.

Yousa bitch, Ventilagrosaliopoteehee. A total bitch. You can see what you miss as soon as Playboy stops calling me crazy and lets me pose for them. Those older men need something good in their pants. And that something good is me. God, older men fill a void in me.

Get bent.

Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv,
Hayden

p.s. You're a boner. Grow up.

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January 12, 2009
Dear Guy Who Plays My Dad On Heroes,

Let's get down.

Suckily,
Hayden

p.s. Remember this wonderful night?