Life & Death of The Party

"Life & Death of The Party"
a social guide
by Jake Kilroy

AN EXCERPT:
Chapter 9: Drinking Too Much & Blaming Your Friends

Your friends suck. I mean, right? They take you to this party, they offer you free beer, you drink too much and they totally let you call the host's girlfriend a "rabbit whore." And then, they scold you. Oh, talking monkey is so sorry! He never let it happen again! Bananananana?

Sure, sure, your friends were trying to cover your mouth and tell you to stop talking, but they were also the ones that brought you and gave you beer.

And I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was signing a contract upon coming to this box social. I was under the impression that it was a party and the host's girlfriend was, in fact, a total "rabbit whore." And no, I have no idea what a "rabbit whore" actually is. Shut up. Anyway, the point remains: don't give me free alcohol and then try to put me on lockdown. That's like giving King Kong a whole handful of Ann Darrow and then trying to take him down like a vet with a nuke.

In fact, I'm sick of this entire conversation. I'm just gonna nod my head until it falls off or drifts off. Or until I'm lucid enough to pee in the salsa. Salsuck, methinks!

You know what? Just for that "rabbit whore" getting on my case about the whole rabbit whordeal, I'm stealing her birth control pills.

I'm outta here.

What the hell? Unhand me!

I said, unhand me!