You Will Learn Nothing

"You Will Learn Nothing"
a college guide
by Jake Kilroy

BACK COVER:
Ever hate that kid who always had his hand up in a lecture class? Ever lie during club rush to get free stuff? Ever attend rallies and protests because you thought the pseudo-hippie was hot? Ever…hey, read this book!

AN EXCERPT:
I wasn’t always the smoothest when trying to score with sorority girls either.

“Yeah, I’m in a fraternity,” I told a hot blonde in my math class once.

“Oh, cool. What fraternity?”

“I can’t pronounce it.”

“What do you mean you can’t pronounce it?”

“It’s in a robot language of some kind. Or maybe Egyptian. I don't know. I've fallen asleep in all of my classes having to do with Asia.”

“It’s Greek.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure it’s Greek.”

“How do you know anyway? Aren’t you, like, a public relations major?”

“Yes, but I’m also in Alpha Delta Phi.”

“And that’s what…? Like, a secret group of government operatives?”

“Huh? Do you seriously not know what your fraternity is called or are you just trying to score?”

“No, I’m in…Delta Force Gamma Ray Alpha Dog…”

“Wow.”

“Impressed?”

"No."

"Oh yeah? Well, this entire time we've been talking, I've been staring at your boobs. So...I win. Deal with it."