Why Are We Us?

"Why Are We Us?: a simple look at who we are"
by Tyra Banks & Elmo

AN EXCERPT:
TB: And then she was all, "Oh yeah?" And I said, "Bitch, please. I ain't got shit to say to you." And she was like, "Whateva! You're not even rough!" And I was like, "Oh, no. You did not just say that." And she was like, "Oh, hell yeah, I said that." So I grabbed her shoulder and started scratching her! I had tears in my eyes! I was yelling things like, "I'm not fat! You're fat! I'll kiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllll yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu! I'll eat everyone that you love!!!!!!!!" And then-
E: Elmo's going to have to stop you there. That story is getting a little too scary for Elmo and his friends.

TB: Shut up, puppet! I'll eat yo feet!

E: Elmo doesn't like when you say things like that. It makes him sad and turn blue.

TB: Listen here, you little red asshole, with your spooky eyes and puppet arms, and those delicious looking limbs, I'm hungry. I'll eat you. I've never eaten a puppet, and I've never eaten a person. But that won't stop me one day! I'm crazy, if you haven't noticed! And I've got an appetite for chicken wings and fame! You listen to me now. I'll rip your heart out and serve it to wild animals. In front of you. I'll buy a castle just to put you in a dungeon!

E: Elmo thinks you need a nap. Or pills that mommys and daddys take.

TB: [random screams and yells]

E: Elmo is afraid.

TB: [eating an entire couch]

E: Elmo is uncomfortable.

TB: [eating a lamp]

E: Elmo says that this book may have been a bad idea.

TB: [eating unopened package of doorknobs]

E: Elmo says poor Tyra Banks. She's the only person to have more hands up her butt than Elmo.